Bald Villains

Why are the heroes in movies and fiction stories always provided with a nice full head of hair?

That was what I was wondering when I was shaving my head in front of the mirror. There are not an awful lot of bald heroes in modern (and ancient) fiction. Even if there is a bald hero, he always has a mischievous trait in his character. The bald guy is always an evil sorcerer, scary and unholy priest or some gnome-troll-guy used to break the hero in two. But I really like the image of the mad scientist best with his bald head. Just wondering: does Mojojojo‘s glass dome over his head count as being bald? It seems that the ability to join Griffindor is inverse with the length of your hair (did you notice the length of Dumbledore’s hair).

I’ll try and list some of the villains that have shaven heads:

  • Blofeld. Tried to make the demise of the world (and James Bond) happen. Played by one of the best known bald people in the world: Telly Savalas a.k.a. Kojak, who, incidentally I’ll also list in the good-guys section.
  • Emperor Jagang, from the Sword of Truth series (Terry Goodkind). A very evil villain who is always described as muscular and with a clean shaven head.
  • Voldemort. Bald because he likes to be a snake, but still he doesn’t have any hair on his head.
  • Any Ferengi.
  • Dr. Evil & MiniMe.
  • Mojojojo
  • Cypher (from the Matrix)

Good guys with bad past are:

  • Vin Diesel. Always has a dark past somewhere or is just the villain-became-hero, because there was nothing else to do. That doesn’t really count.
  • Bruce Willis, but he always has some dark streak in his past in any role. Or he has a hairpiece, which doesn’t count. Same goes for Sean Connery.
  • Kojak.

Fullblown real hero:

  • Professor Xavier. Well yes. Because Patrick Steward was voted sexiest man on TV in 1992 because of his role as Captain Picard in STNG.
  • Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Duh, although his little involvement with the Borg also gave him some of the ‘bad past’.
  • Yoda. Although he is not really bald and also not shaven…
  • Morpheus. Although his methods leave things to be desired.

I’ll extend this list when I get more inspiration, but the general trend can be seen. Apart from one actor (Patrick S.) no one can come across as a bald guy with fullblown heroism.

So, if you want to play the bad guy, shave your head. If you don’t, get a hairpiece.

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